


You Love Him More Than You Can Say

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, Vast Error
Genre: Boys In Love, Dismas POV, Idiots in Love, Other, POV Second Person, Pining, Unreliable Narrator, anyways this is just dismas ramblin to himself about how in love he is, hes dumb get over it, like a true murrit kinnie i wrote this sleep deprived, thats important later >;), wrote this in like an hour and i really dont think it makes sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28221402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He’s terrified of meaning what he says, so he just talks. He talks and talks, but none of it means anything. You just wish he’d tell you how he feels. But he won't, so you have to guess.
Relationships: Dismas Mersiv/Murrit Turkin, Murrit Turkin/Dismas Mersiv
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	You Love Him More Than You Can Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinnacle_of_turtle_dick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinnacle_of_turtle_dick/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Silent Promise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097298) by [pinnacle_of_turtle_dick (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pinnacle_of_turtle_dick). 



He brings you his blood pusher in a bag, shattered into pieces, and then refuses to let you touch it. You know that maybe it’s not perfect, but you’ve got superglue and some duct tape, and you want to put it back together. If only he’d let you. The depths to which you care about people, the way kindness is your instinct, it makes you love him to no end. The things he’s passionate about matter so deeply to you, you never want him to stop. He’s just so uniquely  _ him _ that it makes you want to explode. 

You get so proud when he cracks a joke that lands, when you get to see the way his face lights up because of it. You get to look at him and say, “That’s Murrit, that’s my quadrant mate!”, and sure he’s not exactly where you want him to be, but the point still stands. You get to look at him and think to yourself, ‘How did I ever come across this wonderful, wonderful boy? And how could I have ever hated him?’. 

You just want to hand him a seed of self-confidence and watch him blossom into the beautiful person you know he can be, but he’d have to allow you to do that. No jokes or dismissal, he’d have to let you in. You love him, and you wish he’d believe that. He’s perfect. In every way imaginable, he’s perfect. You try to tell him that, but he never believes you. He’d deny it, and if you didn’t know any better you’d probably think he was fishing for more compliments. 

You tried being subtle at first, but that hadn’t worked. You’d told him directly to his face that he’s perfect, but he couldn't accept it. Wouldn’t, even. He’d ask you if you thought it was a bit too soft for something meant to be pitch, and you’d shut that thought down before he could give it time to fester. He’d say that he didn’t need the ego boost, but you’d still gladly give it anyway. 

You know him, and you know that half of the bullshit that spews out of his mouth is just that. Bullshit. He doesn’t believe it, and you know it. It’s like he wears a mask of his own face. He doesn’t believe it, despite how much you wish he did. You wish he believed it all, what you say and what he says. He calls himself a handsome motherfucker, but you can see the way his eyes squint up when he says it. You think that might be why he wears the glasses. His eyes have always been so expressive, and so bright that you couldn’t help but let your attention rest on them. 

He doesn’t like it when people can read him. You used to think it was just because they were bright and flashy, and he was an attention whore. That’s not true, though. He wears them so he has something to hide behind, not because he’s an attention whore. Well he is, but that’s not why. You’d give him every ounce of attention he asks for, even if he feels guilty asking for it. You’d give him that attention until you died. 

Everyone underestimates him, because he hides behind the masks. The way he talks, dancing around what he actually wants to say, hiding it all behind jokes and deflection, his objective has always been confusion. If they can’t understand what he’s saying, they won’t be able to tell what he means. 

He’s terrified of meaning what he says, so he just talks. He talks and talks, but none of it means anything. You just wish he’d tell you how he feels. You wish you hadn’t had to spend the better part of a sweep learning how to read into him because you wanted to know. You wanted to know how he felt and what he thought, but he wouldn’t tell you. You wish you’d been able to explore his headspace hand in hand with him, but he wouldn’t open up. 

You wouldn’t be mad at whatever it is that he’s been hiding away in those layers of deflection and jokes, and you wish he’d understand that. The future is fast approaching, and you don’t think he’s ready for it. He can barely even tell you how he feels, afterall. Wherever he goes, you’ll be prepared. You’ll be facing that same future with him. You’ll be there with him every step of the way, even if he doesn’t necessarily need your help. He’s so fucking brave. 

You’re so proud of him, more than you ever thought you were capable of feeling. You may not understand him all the time, but you are so indescribably proud of him that words cannot describe it. Your proud about of him and all his accomplishments, even his stupid fucking hentai dungeon. You may not like it, but it makes him happy. And, really, what more can you ask than that? 

He’s so fucking brave. He’s strong, too. He’s dealing with his own shit, you know that, but somehow he still manages to find the strength to laugh and ask how you’re doing. It makes you smile to no end. You wish he could do the same, but there’s something deeply wrong in his eyes. A sadness well beyond his years that you wish you could take away. You wish you could take away all of his hurt, take it on for yourself even, as long as that got it away from him.

But it allows you to see the sadness behind your eyes too, maybe you’re glad for that. You aren’t really sure. You wish you knew why his eyes carried that look. You care about what he has to say, and you wish he could tell you. Every word, every fleeting thought, every opinion- You’d kill to hear them. They mean so much to you, but he hides them away. You’d like to promise to him that they’re important, and you’ve tried, but he never believes you. 

He  _ really _ doesn’t fucking believe when you say things like that, he… He thought you were mocking him at first. You want to meet whoever it is that made him feel wrong to express, in any way, shape, or form. You want to talk to them, and then you want to make them pay. Who could hurt someone like him? Who could shatter a soul as precious as Murrit’s? You wonder if they feel bad. You hope they do, and if they don’t? You want to make them. 

You want to make them regret hurting him. You don’t know who they are, or if they even exist. There’s always just the chance that he’s just like this, but… That’s harder to accept. So, He’s too fucking good to hurt. He gives the best hugs, and he may be shit at expressing it, but he cares so, so much. How could somebody want to cause harm to that? How could somebody  _ not _ love Murrit. It took you a long time to realize, maybe even too long when looking back on it, but… You don’t hate Murrit. You aren’t sure that you ever did. It took sweeps, sure but at least you realiezd, right? Realized, that you’re flushed for him.  It was the moment you started to hate hating him that it had happened. When you’d realized you’d fallen in love. 

**Author's Note:**

> jegus. anyways comments are appreciated!! also giftin this to my best friend! best friend hype me up! i joined this fandom for you!! saflasflka


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